Over the course of my 32 years, I have come to realize that there are three things in this world that can make or break a relationship. Any type of relationship.
Communication, compassion and compromise.
Let's start with communication. This word carries a lot of weight. Not once in your life has communication ever not been important. Regardless of your relationship with that person. Whether it be a friend, lover, acquaintance, significant other, co-worker, son, cousin or whomever you insert here. Think about it. Words, tone of conversation, body language, it all boils down to how you communicate to that other person. Notice I said "to". Not at. Once we get into communicating "at" someone, it can shut that person down or turn them off. Communication is a two way street and must be understood or at the least comprehended by both parties. Communicating "to" someone rather than "at" is really an art within itself. All it takes is patience and practice.
Compassion. This word is rarely used anymore. In today's western society, we rarely take the time to have compassion for someone else. We get busy in our own lives and sometimes forget to notice the people around you and how they feel. You must be able to set yourself in their shoes and really open your mind to what is going on in that person's life. This doesn't mean that you have to feel sorry for someone. Doesn't mean that you have to let your feelings go in order to make someone feel wanted or even happy. All it means is to take into consideration the other person's emotions before proceeding.
Compromise. No matter the circumstance, you should be able to give more than you receive. Always. Does this mean that you should open your heart and continue to get run over and over? No. It means that life isn't always going to be 50/50. Usually in any relationship, one person gives more than the other. Tends to work out that way doesn't it? However, when used for good and not evil, it will balance out.
Life can get the best of us if we let it. Practicing the above, together, can build stronger relationships and a better all around persona. It takes a lot of time, practice and learning.
If one fails, they all will fail.
CCG
23 December 2011
20 December 2011
Enemies?
Foxnews - Biden Remarks
All I can say is.....wow.
I will ignore the spin on any article. I will ignore any Left, Right, Conservative, Liberal or any political nonsense written into this piece. (As a matter of fact, I tend to ignore all of the above for anything I read. I can read and make up my own mind, thanks.) I can read inbetween the lines.
One piece of advice Vice President Biden, or any political head for that matter, demote your thought process and I do believe that you will see the truth.
The Taliban isn't our enemy? Who in the world do you think harbors Al Qaeda and nurtures their needs? Sure isn't Santa. If the "polls" are correct, there are only 200 Al Qaeda left in Afghanistan. Do what?! Who the hell takes these surveys? Do they do door-to-door? This reminds me of the time my unit pulled into a small village to talk to the elder about opium. We could see the field as plain as day, yet, he kept telling my command sergeant major that it was "corn". Uh.....huh.
The Taliban are alot stronger and ground into the Afghan society more than these politicians think. They are just as evil. When you start saying that one terriorist is worse than another, you start the process of thinking that we can ignore one but not the other. Terrorists are terrorists. There should be no different levels of evil.
They are all equal.
CCG
All I can say is.....wow.
I will ignore the spin on any article. I will ignore any Left, Right, Conservative, Liberal or any political nonsense written into this piece. (As a matter of fact, I tend to ignore all of the above for anything I read. I can read and make up my own mind, thanks.) I can read inbetween the lines.
One piece of advice Vice President Biden, or any political head for that matter, demote your thought process and I do believe that you will see the truth.
The Taliban isn't our enemy? Who in the world do you think harbors Al Qaeda and nurtures their needs? Sure isn't Santa. If the "polls" are correct, there are only 200 Al Qaeda left in Afghanistan. Do what?! Who the hell takes these surveys? Do they do door-to-door? This reminds me of the time my unit pulled into a small village to talk to the elder about opium. We could see the field as plain as day, yet, he kept telling my command sergeant major that it was "corn". Uh.....huh.
The Taliban are alot stronger and ground into the Afghan society more than these politicians think. They are just as evil. When you start saying that one terriorist is worse than another, you start the process of thinking that we can ignore one but not the other. Terrorists are terrorists. There should be no different levels of evil.
They are all equal.
CCG
17 December 2011
PTSD - Followup
I wrote about PTSD and women earlier in the week. I have had some really postive feedback from this post. I would like to touch on a couple of more points that were brought to my attention. There is so much to write about this topic! It may be a bit depressing to read, however, it can be a very enlightening issue. I can only hope to help someone, regardless of status (i.e. Civilian, Military....).
A very dear friend approached me yesterday. She said "Thank you for writing this. It is a really good reminder of what my husband going through." He is serving in the dirt as you read this. (No need to name names.) She had tears in her eyes. It was a wakeup call that I didn't touch on one of the most important aspects of dealing with PTSD.....your support network.
Your spouse, significant other, extended family members, friends and really whoever will be there by your side as you are trying to deal with all of your "homecoming" and "post-deployment" emotions are an important part of the healing process.
Honestly, who else loves you enough to deal with your regular shit, let alone the reminder's of war and or deployment. Think about it. Hard. Everyone has someone to lean on. We are never truly alone. The position of that person doesn't matter. What matters is that, that person is there when you need to talk. They are there if you need to shed a few tears. They are there to kick your sorry ass out of bed when you don't feel like getting up to put that uniform back on. They are the ones to whisper in your ear, "It's gonna be okay." They are there to be your own personal cheering squad. I can honestly say that I have had a few angels through my last few years that have helped me along the way to remind me of what I am doing and why I am doing what I do. I do not have to name names. You know who you are.
Who else has enough patience to deal with you as well? Patience is such a big key. With patience comes time and with time comes healing....are you still with me on this? Yes, the sappiness is getting deep. You all know, regardless of gender, know what I am talking about.
Your support network goes almost unnoticed until you wake up one day and it hits you in the face like the coldest rains from the sky. Holy shit! So-and-so has helped me so much....or I am so grateful to have so-and-so in my life. Yep, I have had those moments. If you haven't, give me a call. I will help you realize it.
PTSD isn't always about the member. It is about the ones who care for us during the aftermath. Without that person(s) to help us throught our darkest hours, we would be nothing. Absolutely nothing. Your support network tolerates your outbursts, depression, emotional breakdowns and last, the military lifestyle. I said "tolerate". They may not like it, but still support it.
Keep this in the forefront of your mind as you heal. It may not be easy, but your support network will help the process be as seamless as possible.
NOTE: Thank you. You know who you are.
CCG
A very dear friend approached me yesterday. She said "Thank you for writing this. It is a really good reminder of what my husband going through." He is serving in the dirt as you read this. (No need to name names.) She had tears in her eyes. It was a wakeup call that I didn't touch on one of the most important aspects of dealing with PTSD.....your support network.
Your spouse, significant other, extended family members, friends and really whoever will be there by your side as you are trying to deal with all of your "homecoming" and "post-deployment" emotions are an important part of the healing process.
Honestly, who else loves you enough to deal with your regular shit, let alone the reminder's of war and or deployment. Think about it. Hard. Everyone has someone to lean on. We are never truly alone. The position of that person doesn't matter. What matters is that, that person is there when you need to talk. They are there if you need to shed a few tears. They are there to kick your sorry ass out of bed when you don't feel like getting up to put that uniform back on. They are the ones to whisper in your ear, "It's gonna be okay." They are there to be your own personal cheering squad. I can honestly say that I have had a few angels through my last few years that have helped me along the way to remind me of what I am doing and why I am doing what I do. I do not have to name names. You know who you are.
Who else has enough patience to deal with you as well? Patience is such a big key. With patience comes time and with time comes healing....are you still with me on this? Yes, the sappiness is getting deep. You all know, regardless of gender, know what I am talking about.
Your support network goes almost unnoticed until you wake up one day and it hits you in the face like the coldest rains from the sky. Holy shit! So-and-so has helped me so much....or I am so grateful to have so-and-so in my life. Yep, I have had those moments. If you haven't, give me a call. I will help you realize it.
PTSD isn't always about the member. It is about the ones who care for us during the aftermath. Without that person(s) to help us throught our darkest hours, we would be nothing. Absolutely nothing. Your support network tolerates your outbursts, depression, emotional breakdowns and last, the military lifestyle. I said "tolerate". They may not like it, but still support it.
Keep this in the forefront of your mind as you heal. It may not be easy, but your support network will help the process be as seamless as possible.
NOTE: Thank you. You know who you are.
CCG
15 December 2011
Women and PTSD
CNN - Mothers and PTSD
The article listed is just one of the many articles about post traumatic stress that I have read over the last few years. I am grateful that this is even in the news and that the government is starting to notice that this is becoming the "norm" for really anyone who has been deployed to warzones.
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD): It is called a syndrome for a reason. Situations say, watching/listening to mortars/rockets being sent into your general direction isn't much fun. Or going out on those long convoys to take humanitarian needs to some small village out in the middle of nowhere. Emotions are dropped at this point and addrenalin now takes over. You feel nothing, you see everything and you are on guard. You know that you have lost friends out there and were standing at the position of attention at the Ramp Ceremony and trying not to cry while he is being carried/loaded up to the awaiting ramp of a C130, so they can take him home to his family. I have only listed several of the things that I went through and continue to see/do. I am sure that there is more that we all have went through that this haunt us to this day.
PTSD is no shit. It can drag you down years after going through what you went through. I do not take pride in this in the least. It hits you at the weirdest of times and can hit you when you least expect it. Example: When I came home from Baghdad in '04, it was the fourth of July. Fourth of July equals fireworks. I did not fully realize this and had totally forgotten. When I heard the first fireworks go off and I froze. Someone said I just stood there while my face went white. Finally after about thirty seconds, someone had to shake me to pull me out of it. I hid for the rest of the day in my bedroom. It has taken me several years to semi-enjoy fireworks again. I still flinch though.
Normal things that you do on day-to-day basis can become huge obstacles. Say, just like the article above states, going to the grocery store. This task alone has made me hyperventilate. I have had panic attacks just by the thought of going to the commissary. I couldn't fathom being among so many people even though I knew I was back in America.
Homelife wasn't the easiest either. When coming home to a spouse who doesn't understand what you are going through isn't the best situation. Trying to transition back into the "normal" homelife sometimes just doesn't work out. You come home a changed person. Your spouse and children have changed since the last time you were home. You expect things to be the same as before you left and that is never the case. Your spouse has been hot footing it without you and surviving. Trying to find your nitch back into your family is hard. All I wanted to do was talk about what I went through and it really fell on deaf ears. I struggled hard with this. So did my spouse at the time. So I went to therapy.
Being back at homebase and going back to work was difficult. Trying to transition back to a "normal" ops-tempo was probably the most difficult. I passed out as work one time. Yep, continued to go to therapy on just that and found out that I was overwhelmed at work and could not comprehend it till my stress levels shut me down. As much as I love the military, it was hard to put my uniform back on. Right after the deployments, I would find myself reaching for my weapon as soon as I put that uniform on, completely forgetting that I was home. One time I panicked because I couldn't find my weapon. Only lasted a couple of seconds. Still, heartwrenching nonetheless.
Over the last few years, PTSD has finally come to the forefront of news, doctor's and the government's minds. There are hotlines you can call. There are therapists and workgroups just for veterans that have PTSD. This is a good thing. There is help out there. I have been in and out of therapy for PTSD for the last eight years. It is something that you must live with and something that you must come to terms with. The nightmares will probably never go away. The depression and anxiety can be controlled. Proper counseling to deal with the devastating effects of PTSD takes heart, courage and commitment. It never really ever goes away. But there are avenues. Everywhere. Just have to reach out your hand and someone will pull you off your knees. It may be safer when you hermit...but that only hides the anger, sadness and other not so normal emotions.
Grab that hand hunny. Help has arrived. Take advantage of it. You can not overcome it alone.
If you read this and you need help with PTSD, comment below and I am very sure that we can figure something out.
CCG
The article listed is just one of the many articles about post traumatic stress that I have read over the last few years. I am grateful that this is even in the news and that the government is starting to notice that this is becoming the "norm" for really anyone who has been deployed to warzones.
Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD): It is called a syndrome for a reason. Situations say, watching/listening to mortars/rockets being sent into your general direction isn't much fun. Or going out on those long convoys to take humanitarian needs to some small village out in the middle of nowhere. Emotions are dropped at this point and addrenalin now takes over. You feel nothing, you see everything and you are on guard. You know that you have lost friends out there and were standing at the position of attention at the Ramp Ceremony and trying not to cry while he is being carried/loaded up to the awaiting ramp of a C130, so they can take him home to his family. I have only listed several of the things that I went through and continue to see/do. I am sure that there is more that we all have went through that this haunt us to this day.
PTSD is no shit. It can drag you down years after going through what you went through. I do not take pride in this in the least. It hits you at the weirdest of times and can hit you when you least expect it. Example: When I came home from Baghdad in '04, it was the fourth of July. Fourth of July equals fireworks. I did not fully realize this and had totally forgotten. When I heard the first fireworks go off and I froze. Someone said I just stood there while my face went white. Finally after about thirty seconds, someone had to shake me to pull me out of it. I hid for the rest of the day in my bedroom. It has taken me several years to semi-enjoy fireworks again. I still flinch though.
Normal things that you do on day-to-day basis can become huge obstacles. Say, just like the article above states, going to the grocery store. This task alone has made me hyperventilate. I have had panic attacks just by the thought of going to the commissary. I couldn't fathom being among so many people even though I knew I was back in America.
Homelife wasn't the easiest either. When coming home to a spouse who doesn't understand what you are going through isn't the best situation. Trying to transition back into the "normal" homelife sometimes just doesn't work out. You come home a changed person. Your spouse and children have changed since the last time you were home. You expect things to be the same as before you left and that is never the case. Your spouse has been hot footing it without you and surviving. Trying to find your nitch back into your family is hard. All I wanted to do was talk about what I went through and it really fell on deaf ears. I struggled hard with this. So did my spouse at the time. So I went to therapy.
Being back at homebase and going back to work was difficult. Trying to transition back to a "normal" ops-tempo was probably the most difficult. I passed out as work one time. Yep, continued to go to therapy on just that and found out that I was overwhelmed at work and could not comprehend it till my stress levels shut me down. As much as I love the military, it was hard to put my uniform back on. Right after the deployments, I would find myself reaching for my weapon as soon as I put that uniform on, completely forgetting that I was home. One time I panicked because I couldn't find my weapon. Only lasted a couple of seconds. Still, heartwrenching nonetheless.
Over the last few years, PTSD has finally come to the forefront of news, doctor's and the government's minds. There are hotlines you can call. There are therapists and workgroups just for veterans that have PTSD. This is a good thing. There is help out there. I have been in and out of therapy for PTSD for the last eight years. It is something that you must live with and something that you must come to terms with. The nightmares will probably never go away. The depression and anxiety can be controlled. Proper counseling to deal with the devastating effects of PTSD takes heart, courage and commitment. It never really ever goes away. But there are avenues. Everywhere. Just have to reach out your hand and someone will pull you off your knees. It may be safer when you hermit...but that only hides the anger, sadness and other not so normal emotions.
Grab that hand hunny. Help has arrived. Take advantage of it. You can not overcome it alone.
If you read this and you need help with PTSD, comment below and I am very sure that we can figure something out.
CCG
Subscribe to:
Comments (Atom)