Women and PTSD

CNN - Mothers and PTSD

The article listed is just one of the many articles about post traumatic stress that I have read over the last few years.  I am grateful that this is even in the news and that the government is starting to notice that this is becoming the "norm" for really anyone who has been deployed to warzones. 

Post Traumatic Stress Syndrome (PTSD):  It is called a syndrome for a reason.  Situations say, watching/listening to mortars/rockets being sent into your general direction isn't much fun.  Or going out on those long convoys to take humanitarian needs to some small village out in the middle of nowhere.  Emotions are dropped at this point and addrenalin now takes over.  You feel nothing, you see everything and you are on guard.  You know that you have lost friends out there and were standing at the position of attention at the Ramp Ceremony and trying not to cry while he is being carried/loaded up to the awaiting ramp of a C130, so they can take him home to his family.  I have only listed several of the things that I went through and continue to see/do.  I am sure that there is more that we all have went through that this haunt us to this day. 

PTSD is no shit.  It can drag you down years after going through what you went through.  I do not take pride in this in the least.  It hits you at the weirdest of times and can hit you when you least expect it.  Example:  When I came home from Baghdad in '04, it was the fourth of July.  Fourth of July equals fireworks.  I did not fully realize this and had totally forgotten.  When I heard the first fireworks go off and I froze.  Someone said I just stood there while my face went white.  Finally after about thirty seconds, someone had to shake me to pull me out of it.  I hid for the rest of the day in my bedroom.  It has taken me several years to semi-enjoy fireworks again.  I still flinch though. 

Normal things that you do on day-to-day basis can become huge obstacles.  Say, just like the article above states, going to the grocery store.  This task alone has made me hyperventilate.  I have had panic attacks just by the thought of going to the commissary.  I couldn't fathom being among so many people even though I knew I was back in America.

Homelife wasn't the easiest either.  When coming home to a spouse who doesn't understand what you are going through isn't the best situation.  Trying to transition back into the "normal" homelife sometimes just doesn't work out.  You come home a changed person.  Your spouse and children have changed since the last time you were home.  You expect things to be the same as before you left and that is never the case.  Your spouse has been hot footing it without you and surviving.  Trying to find your nitch back into your family is hard.  All I wanted to do was talk about what I went through and it really fell on deaf ears.  I struggled hard with this.  So did my spouse at the time.   So I went to therapy.

Being back at homebase and going back to work was difficult.  Trying to transition back to a "normal" ops-tempo was probably the most difficult.  I passed out as work one time.  Yep, continued to go to therapy on just that and found out that I was overwhelmed at work and could not comprehend it till my stress levels shut me down.  As much as I love the military, it was hard to put my uniform back on.  Right after the deployments, I would find myself reaching for my weapon as soon as I put that uniform on, completely forgetting that I was home.  One time I panicked because I couldn't find my weapon.  Only lasted a couple of seconds.  Still, heartwrenching nonetheless.

Over the last few years, PTSD has finally come to the forefront of news, doctor's and the government's minds.  There are hotlines you can call.  There are therapists and workgroups just for veterans that have PTSD.  This is a good thing.  There is help out there.  I have been in and out of therapy for PTSD for the last eight years.  It is something that you must live with and something that you must come to terms with.  The nightmares will probably never go away.  The depression and anxiety can be controlled.  Proper counseling to deal with the devastating effects of PTSD takes heart, courage and commitment.  It never really ever goes away.  But there are avenues.  Everywhere.  Just have to reach out your hand and someone will pull you off your knees.  It may be safer when you hermit...but that only hides the anger, sadness and other not so normal emotions. 

Grab that hand hunny.  Help has arrived.  Take advantage of it.  You can not overcome it alone.

If you read this and you need help with PTSD, comment below and I am very sure that we can figure something out. 

CCG