Re-evaluations

I have written before on the importance of communication, compromise and compassion in a relationship.  I fully believe in those three words and what they mean.

I have thought and thought and thought.  My brain currently hurts and the smoke is coming out of my ears.  I know that this is kind of the norm for me, however, I am in the middle of re-evaluating my past serious relationships to see if there is are similarities.  I don't know how far I will get, but I will try to get a grip on it. 

Ending a relationship regardless of size over e-mail or text seems to be the normal anymore.  I will admit I ended my first marriage with an email due to the lack of communication and support given at the time on his side.  I had no other way to converse and the phone calls were going unanswered.  I feel I failed that situation and should have waited to come home to talk to him.  Plain and simple.  However, my mind wasn't in the right place due to a harsh deployment and tensions between home and deployed location were taut.  However, I do not regret it.  It happened the way it did.  I learned a valuable lesson in communication and compromise this time. 

My second marriage ended over a text.  Once again the phone calls were going unanswered and the texts were too.  We were states apart and one side could not handle the military lifestyle.  So instead of facing the problem, it simmered.  When I say simmer, there was no communication from his side for weeks.  I couldn't take being overwhelmed with the sense of being oulandishly ignored and the feeling of worthlessness and not knowing what the other person wants.  He didn't want to communicate nor have the compassion to understand that marriage and love is commitment regardless of where we were at.  So he wanted a divorce but could not talk about it or at least give a call.  Or show in person.  Learned a lesson here about compassion and communication. 

I have currently been dating this guy.  I thought that we had all three down pat.  I put my foot down on these three ideas and he seemed to agree with it.  Until we had a crisis.  All three are immediately put in the backseat and once again, the texts and the phone calls are ignored.  Learned a lesson on all three here.

Do you see where this is going?  There is a pattern here.

Texts, emails, phone calls and speaking in person can make or break your relationships.  If you can't talk in person, the next best thing is to talk over the phone.  A relationship should never boil down to social media or texts.  Texts don't convey enough and emails can be very impersonal.  Social media is the lowest form in my book.  Venting purposes, yes I can understand, on the other hand trying to fix it, don't think that is the best way to hande it. 

I am still currently re-evaluating all of the above.  I may have it right but I also may have it wrong.  I know that communicating to your loved one is very hard but it gets harder too if the significant other doesn't do it at all.

CCG